Social Networks are Like Boyfriends

Like many of my blog entries, this idea came about while talking to my good friend and fellow social media junkie, Noel (@hwande).

Social networking is a love story.  And the story goes like this:

In the beginning, you fall in love with a punk rocker named MySpace, the singer of a local emo band, in fact.  He’s wild and free, very much into self-expression and the music that he loves.  Life with MySpace is a continous party.  But after awhile, you get tired of seeing sluts all over him constantly, and he refuses to do anything about it.

At the end of the relationship, this guy Facebook comes along and sweeps you off your feet.  He’s clean cut and educated, and he doesn’t let just anyone into his life.  For awhile you’re wooed by his inventiveness, but later in the relationship, that ingenuity gives way to greed, and suddenly he too will intermingle with anyone who will show him a little attention.  At the same time, he becomes more and more controlling of you, always wanting to know what you’re doing and who you’re with.  He tries to tell you who to talk to, and wants all of your plans and communication to go through him.

Realizing Facebook’s flaws, you start seeing Twitter on the side.  First casually, just as friends, but when you realize how clever and thoughtful he is, you become more involved.  His generosity is in complete contrast to the ideals of Facebook, and you admire that of him.  But he often tries to help far more people than he can handle, and he’s just too unstable to ever turn into anything serious, so you continue seeing Facebook.  Facebook knows you have been hanging out with Twitter, and becomes insanely jealous.  And of course he doesn’t want you talking to MySpace either.

MySpace’s career as a rock star did not pan out the way he’d planned, and he calls you intermittently, even though you always tell him you’re not interested.  He’s already written over 30 songs about how heartbroken he is, and he wants you to know that he’ll always love you, no matter how much it hurts.

Meanwhile Facebook’s attitude just gets worse.  He sees that you’re putting up with his controlling crap, and knows that he’s the best option you’ve got, so he doesn’t really care.  He continues his quest to completely rule your life, completely secure in the fact that no one could ever take you away from him.

And then Google+ moves into the neighborhood.  He seems to be the best of all worlds –articulate, well-established, and trusting.  He’s creative and intuitive and doesn’t ask for your phone number right away.  He’s clearly not motivated by money, even though he happens to be loaded and he understands business very well.   Unfortunately for you, he’s still recovering from a recent heartbreak and just isn’t quite ready  to begin a serious relationship because he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes over again.

But you can see it in his beautiful, honest eyes that he cares for you deeply, so you vow to wait until he is ready, in the mean time loosely courting Facebook and Twitter.  Twitter, relaxed as he is, doesn’t seem to mind, as he is a free spirit and has a lot going on, too.  Facebook, on the other hand, is furious and makes up lies about Google+ to try to prolong your relationship status.  All the while, MySpace writes sonnets about you from his parents’ basement and dreams that you will someday come back to him.

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About inkstainedknuckle

I'm a social media specialist with a fresh outlook and keen sense of diction. The world is my walnut.
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One Response to Social Networks are Like Boyfriends

  1. Kelene Blake says:

    This is a light and enjoyable post! Very funny! I can actually see myself having this type of discussion with my girlfriend. The descriptions / metaphors are excellent and clever. A good laugh.

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